


Story Of A Letter

by aschicca



Category: Queer as Folk US
Genre: M/M, just a touch of angst, post-513
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aschicca/pseuds/aschicca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The letter arrived on a cold New York morning</p>
            </blockquote>





	Story Of A Letter

The letter arrived on a cold New York morning. It was addressed to him and written in the clear and precise handwriting that, Justin recognized, belonged to Ted, so he thought it could wait a while – after all a letter from Ted was hardly reason to get all excited – and, instead of opening the envelope, Justin went to his apartment’s kitchen to make himself some coffee.

Taking the mug to the window, Justin sipped the hot coffee, his mind concentrating on ideas for his next painting, his work at the restaurant, his next coming show (not a solo yet but he was getting there), the last one-worded email he got from Brian (okay, to be fair it was more than one word, but Justin doubted that ‘Take care of yourself and if you need something, call me,” could be described as a real email). He thought about everything but the letter that now lay forgotten on the kitchen’s table.

The letter rested there, untouched, unopened, unattended, for the whole day. A day Justin spent working, painting, going out with his friends, living. Living the life he had made for himself in New York, a life he wasn’t entirely happy with but he accepted and tried to live at its fullest.

The sun set. Justin came home and showered before he sat on the ‘fucking ugly piece of shit’ that, in Brian’s words, described his couch to eat the leftovers he’d been given after his shift at the restaurant.

The moon rose, and bathed Justin’s body in its light as he lay in his bed. Justin jerked off thinking about Brian’s cock and though his orgasm left him unsatisfied, it led him nonetheless into a deep sleep.

And the letter remained ignored.

*** 

A flash of lightining, followed by the deep rumble of the thunder, woke up Justin from his sleep and he just sat there listening to the rain until the need to pee got the best of him and he was forced to leave the warmth of his bed.

Suddenly thirsty after leaving the bathroom, Justin made his way to the kitchen to have some water, his mind still partially asleep but knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to fall back in his deep slumber too soon.

Another flash lit up the whole room and illuminated the white envelope sitting on the table. ‘Reading Ted’s letter,’ Justin thought, ‘would maybe help me fall asleep again sooner,’ and so he picked it up, brought it to the couch and finally opened it.

The first thing he noticed was that there were two different papers. The smaller one was the first he picked up, and his eyes grew wider with every word he read. 

_Justin,_

_What I’m about to do will probably get me fired but I just can’t stay out of this anymore. I was in Brian’s office just a moment ago, it’s late here Justin but he’s still working. Or that’s what I thought he was doing. Instead I found him asleep with his head on his desk, exhaustion finally getting the best of him, and with his hand still holding the pen he was using to write the letter I’ve decided to send to you. I wasn’t snooping around and I’ve only just read a few words of it, but what I’ve read made me decide. I knew Brian had no intention to mail it to you, but you have to read it. I won’t say anything more. I’ll leave you to make up your mind for yourself. He’s a good man, a good boss and a good friend. I care about him Justin and I never thought the day would come when I’d have considered Brian Kinney, of all people, a dear friend. But he is. And he’s alone._

_Sincerely,  
Ted_

To say Justin was stunned would have been an understatement. He held the letter ( _Brian’s_ letter! Fuck, why didn’t he read it first thing that morning?) in his hands for a very long time and it was only when he started shivering that he decided he needed a more comfortable – and warm – environment before reading it.

Justin made his way back to the bedroom – meaning he walked four steps from the couch to the bedroom’s door of his tiny apartment – and burrowed himself in his blankets once again. 

He sighed, the warmth already starting to seep inside his frozen limbs, then finally opened the letter.

_“If this was a real letter, something I would actually send I mean, which I won’t, I suppose I’d have to start with your name or something. Isn’t that the polite way to start a letter? With your name? But I don’t call you Justin often so… should I write Sunshine as a headline? Whatever I’m not sending this so I can as well write it however the fuck I like._

_I was thinking about the last time I came there (literally and figuratively speaking) to visit you. Remember? We spent two days not getting out of your bed, mostly so I could avoid seeing that hideous furniture of yours… who am I fucking kidding? I wouldn’t have gotten out of that bed not even for an earthquake. That bed was… ours. It was you, the sheets smelled like you. I was home._

_You know, if I had any doubt about sending this letter to you, now I’m absolutely sure. You’re not getting it, Sunshine. Not after…_ that _._

_But, hey, since I’m all about writing here things I don’t seem to be able to say (romantic bullshit, you know?), I might as well write them all and be done with it._

_I fucking miss you and I want you to come home._

_Obviously you’re not going to hear it from me because you **have** to stay there for as long as it takes to become the big success you deserve to be. I just wish it won’t be forever. Are you staying there forever? Because if you are, I…”_

Justin had to stop reading for a moment at that point. The tears he’d gotten in his eyes when he laughed out loud at the words written at the beginning of the letter had long since turned into ones of joy at _I was home_ , and then pain when he had read Brian’s wishes and desires. He wanted Justin home, he missed him, and Justin had never felt Brian’s absence more. But now, the same tears were threatening to turn into something else. Fear. Fear because he wasn’t sure he was ready for another Kinney cliff. 

Things had been fine until then. Brian had come visit him in New York at least once a month and Justin had returned to Pittsburgh every two months or when Brian decided he needed ‘a piece of Sunshine’s ass’ and sent him a first class ticket home. So now that last bit he had read, the _because if you are…_ , came as a surprise to him and made him think he was about to have to fight to prove to Brian he had no intention of losing him.

Sighing, Justin resumed his reading.

_“Obviously you’re not going to hear it from me because you **have** to stay there for as long as it takes to become the big success you deserve to be. I just wish it won’t be forever. Are you staying there forever? Because if you are, I… think I’ll need to start looking for office space in NY. I’ll be honest (I always am and anyway you’re not going to read this so I can say whatever I want. I sound childish and I don’t give a fuck), I’d rather not expand Kinnetik right now, with this economy and all, it could be risky. But I would, I think I would. If you wanted to stay there forever, I would, because it’s been three years now and my cock doesn’t seem to like being parted from your ass for the big part of the year anymore._

_Okay, so maybe your ass is not the only thing my cock and I miss. Your mouth is a pretty close second. And your hands. And your eyes. And your laugh, the smell of your hair, your paint-smeared clothes, your face relaxed when you sleep, your cooking and the fact that being domesticated is not too bad if you’re home with me._

_See what you’ve done, you little shit? You’ve taken a man who was perfectly happy fucking a different ass every night, and made him want to fuck_ one _ass more than anyone else’s (now don’t think I mean monogamy here because no fucking way, but since tricks aren’t as fun as they once were anymore… maybe a cut back could be bargained)._

 _How did you do that? Seriously, how did you always know exactly what button to push to get the reaction you wanted? I pushed you away and yet you were always around, and yes I know you were there because_ I _allowed you to be. But how did you manage that? How did you make me want to have you over and over again when I never went back once I’d had someone? How did you, a kid, manage to be able to see through my walls and be so ‘onto me’?_

_How did you manage to worm your way back into my life after your ‘little romance’ with the Fiddle fucker was over? How, Justin?_

_I must be even more tired than I thought because now I can almost hear your voice answering me. ‘I never did anything you didn’t want me to do, Brian,’ isn’t that what you’re saying?”_

Once again Justin had to take a break and laugh. Because that had been exactly what he was thinking. He was always saying that he knew Brian better than anyone but, once again, Brian had proved that he knew Justin just as well. Not for the first time that night, Justin wished Brian was there with him, because he was really feeling the need to hold him, and kiss him. Maybe blow him. Yes, definitely blow him.

Justin knew he had to think closely about everything he’d read so far, but he wanted to finish the letter first. It was close to the end now.

 _“And you’re right, I see that now. I wanted to take you home five days a week when you were a seventeen years old stalker… and then fuck five different guys the remaining two days just to prove to myself and to_ you _that it didn’t mean anything. I wanted to buy you a home five years later to prove to myself and to you that this time it meant something. It meant everything._

 _But it was the wrong time and then New York, and then… well, you know, you were there.  
See? I did it. I wrote down all the things you should know and I most likely won’t say. One thing’s missing but you know that already: I love you. You know that, don’t you? You made me love you and now I can’t, I _ won’t _go back._

_I feel tired as fuck. I wish you were here to fuck the tiredness out of me. I wish you were here._

_Come home?”_

And just like that, Justin knew. He didn’t need to think things over, he didn’t need to re-read the letter and analyze his feelings, he didn’t need anything more. Brian wanted him home. Hell, _Justin_ wanted to come home to Brian. He’d actually set a deadline for himself: the day he’d get his solo show, he’d go back to Pittsburgh. But now he didn’t feel he could wait anymore and anyway his agent had assured him that this coming show would surely be the prelude for his first, deserved, solo.

He’d put on hold the rest of his life for his art. Now it was time to get it back.

Decision made, holding the letter in his hand, Justin fell asleep.

*** 

The doors of the Kinnetik’s offices opened two days later to let in a very flushed, very happy Justin. He crossed the hall and walked towards Brian’s office, smiling at the employees waving at him. He reached Cynthia’s desk only to find it empty, its owner most likely summoned into the Boss’s office.

Taking a deep breath, Justin opened the door to Brian’s office and a shiver ran down his spine when he heard Brian’s voice.

“Fuck, Theodore, how many of these papers do I still have to sign? Didn’t I mention many times that I have a lot of better uses for my right hand?”

“’Course you have, Bri, so the faster you sign the sooner you can use your right hand in more pleasant ways,” was Ted’s reply, and, not for the first time those days, Justin realized how happy he was that Brian and Teddy had become such good friends. 

Justin imagined more than see the snort on Brian’s face at his accountant’s reply and smiled. And that was the exact moment when the three occupants of the room realized they weren’t alone anymore.

“Justin!” Cynthia exclaimed happily. She was always genuinely happy to see him, but Justin was sure part of her happiness was due to the fact that a well fucked Boss was easier to deal with.

“Justin,” Ted’s voice sounded hopeful and a little worried, so Justin smiled at him reassuringly and was glad to see his smile returned.

“Justin!!” Brian said in his mocking falsetto voice, probably wanting to mimic Cynthia’s or just be plain sarcastic, but the joy in his eyes and the huge smile on his face told an entirely different story.

Justin closed the distance between himself and the man he loved, and threw himself in his arms kissing him passionately and not stopping until he heard the office’s door being closed discretely behind Cynthia’s and Ted’s polite retreat.

“What are you doing here?”

Justin had only one thing to say to that. “I’m home.”

To be fair, Brian tried to argue but soon having Justin’s mouth on his, Justin’s body pliant in his arms, Justin’s whispered words of love in his ears, took even the will to talk out of him and he just let himself believe.

***

Justin and Brian celebrated their reunion in Brian’s office for the rest of the afternoon and it was already late when they finally emerged, sated and happy, to go home. For round two. Or, in this case, five.

Almost everyone had already left for the night, only one of Brian’s employees was still at Kinnetik. He had also chosen that exact moment to leave so he encountered the couple halfway to the outside doors.

Justin whispered something softly in Brian’s ear, then kissed him and left, smiling warmly at Ted on his way out.

Ted and Brian stood there, watching each other like cowboys in a western. Ted was hoping Brian didn’t have a gun hidden in his coat, though. Then Brian moved towards Ted and stopped when he was in front of him. His eyes unreadable, his face serious.

Clearing his throat, Ted tried to speak. “Uh, Bri, did Justin tell you… uh did he…”

Brian’s hand rose and came to a halt only when it connected gently with Ted’s shoulder. Brian gave Ted’s shoulder a squeeze and said only “Thank you.”

Ted released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and decided to risk it all by hugging Brian. Strangely enough, Brian allowed it for more than just the few seconds he usually tolerated. And, Ted couldn’t be entirely sure about it, but it looked like Brian was almost returning the hug.

It was all over fast and, raising his head, Ted found himself staring at Brian’s now relaxed face, and smiled at him.

“Now, Theodore, if I ever catch you snooping around my personal effects again, you’re fired. And possibly murdered. Am I making myself clear here?” Brian’s tongue was in his cheek and his eyes were sparkling with amusement.

“Crystal, Boss.” A grinning Ted replied.

Brian nodded, gave a final squeeze to Ted’s shoulder and walked out. ‘To finally meet his destiny,’ was Ted’s thought. But he valued his life so he kept it for himself and, smiling, went home to Blake.

*** 

The offices at Kinnetik were empty now, dark and quiet. So different from the chaos they were used to during the day. The only illumination came from the street lamps outside, faint trails of light that vaguely illuminated pens, bolts of paper, computers, boards with the latest brilliant ads.

One of those light’s beams fell on an envelope, partially open to reveal two different sets of papers. The smaller one was on top of the other, probably because it had been the last one to be read.

The letter was once again left behind, forgotten, alone. But this time it had filled its purpose and could rest peacefully.


End file.
